Ive never owned a real journal but I always wanted to say that.

I really hate talking or writing about myself or my old job because it used to be the only way I could relate to another human being. So I will try to keep this short and not come across as whiny or that I want something. I blame no one for my situation, and I'm not looking for free ride either. Recently I've felt misjudged by a new friend and since this will probably be my last chance to explain myself and how I got into this situation I better take it.

I am a 28 year old white American male of Scottish decent. I was afforded every opportunity a public high school student has, but college just seemed to be more of the same social bs high school was only more expensive. My family has a tradition of serving in the navy, but I did not like that prospect either. My father has never really forgiven me for breaking the tradition, he's never disowned me but there has been some distance between us. Instead I went into construction. At first I started low digging ditch's for sewer lines or hauling tools to the top of roofs. Soon enough I became a welders assistant and was allowed much more responsibility. Much better pay too. I got to do a little bit of everything, I even paved a drive way once. Driving a steam roller was a life altering experience to me.

To be honest I disliked building home's people like me could never afford in place's that were better off as weed covered hill's. But I made enough money to buy my own small house in a bad neighborhood were me and my friends could live, and buy the things all Americans take enjoy. I was never really attached to these things but they began to define me anyway. At the end of the day I was tired and dirty but I did feel some sense of satisfaction. It may not have been an ambitious life but I enjoyed the simplicity of it for a long time. Then we entered the housing recession.

Work still continued on normally at first. We were still building new house's, only more upscale ones, less cheap affordable housing. Our boss's began taking more repair and add-on jobs to keep us all employed but as time passed more of us were let go. One day my boss took me out drinking instead of work. I knew it was over and I wasn't angry about it. I didn't give up either, the next morning I went around sites looking for any work but they were all facing similar situations. I even applied at fast food restaurants and department stores, but most entry level positions were filled by young people needing the job more then me.

I got temporary work at a potato packing shed for a summer but that lacked both in satisfaction and salary. Eventually I ran out of money again and needed to find a way to keep afloat. So I took a mortgage out on my house. The deal I made was never in my best interest but I felt desperate. Now my house is in foreclosure and tomorrow two of my friends are moving out. This computer belongs to one of those friends so this will probably be my last post for awhile. He has been more then kind to let me use his computer and camera to paint and post my stuff and I'm extremely grateful for that. It has been one of my few escapes and joys.

I'll try to post as much of my stuff tonight as I can. I also give anyone permission to use my pictures as they see fit as long as they include a link if they can. I'm also leaving links to the 3 free painting and animating programs I've been using in hopes other people explore there creativity as well. I want to thank my friends for there thoughts, hopes, and encouragements in my short time here.

I've already spent too much time on this so I'll end now by saying that I am very aware of the horribly brutal nature of the world, and that most likely no one will care. I am also aware of mankind's capacity for compassion despite of that nature. I hope I'm not judged to be weak or lazy because of this, I hope we don't take this as an opportunity to pass judgment at all.

I really wish all your dreams end better than mine.
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Project Dogwaffle, Great free painting program.
www.thebest3d.com/dogwaffle/free/
Ultimate Paint, Another great free painting program.
www.ultimatepaint.com/download.php
Sqirlz Morph, A very cool free tool for animating.
www.xiberpix.com/SqirlzMorph.html